“Your names for the days of the week were fascinating.Tell me more about the cat calendar, Rinpoche. Do your months of the year have the same names as ours?”
“No, Daddi, although some months have similar names. The main difference is that cats have a specific purpose for each month. Would you like me to explain?”
“Go ahead
Jamuary (January)
“Jamuary is the beginning of a new year, Daddi, and it’s a time of merriment and fun. We celebrate the month by holding musical jamming sessions on roofs and walls every night.”
“I’ve heard you! With that incessant caterwauling at this time of the year, it’s impossible to get any sleep.”
“You obviously have no appreciation of good music, Daddi.”
Feduary (February)
“All that Jamuary jamming can make us very hungry, so it’s important to feed cats particularly well in Feduary. To help us regain our strength, we need extra-special delicacies.”
“I’ll try to remember that, Rinpoche.”
March (March)
“March is a month for action and protest marches through the streets of Gloucestershire. This year, the #MeAlso and Queens for Choice movements arranged marches on one side of the fence, and the Threatened White Toms and Every Litter Counts groups marched on the other side.”
Apurril (April)
“Apurril is a time of contentment, cherishment and happy purring, Daddi. Because of the Feaster holidays, our humans are at home and have plenty of time to bond with us.”
“I enjoy this month too, Rinpoche.”
Maybe (May)
“With Mummi and Daddi back at work, every cat has time to reflect on important matters and make life-changing decisions in the month of Maybe.”
“Like whether to have salmon or chicken for dinner?”
“Something like that, Daddi.”
Snune (June)
“After the tiring work of thinking, we’ve earned a break, so Snune is the month for snoozing in the sun. During Snune, I like to search for a spot of sunlight. It’s the perfect place for snoozing.”
Youlie (July)
“Youlie is the month for litigation and court cases. Most cats enjoy gossiping, but some are particularly ‘catty’ and spread outrageous lies that damage reputations. Our local Cat Council settles disputes and judges cases involving slander and defamation.”
Awjust (August)
“Awjust is a Me-Time month in which a cat tells her Mummi or Daddi, “Aw, just give me some food and leave me to sleep!”
Septemper (September)
“Cats can be on a very short fuse at times, so Septemper is a month in which we make a conscious effort to control our tempers and avoid wild outbursts of rage. And that’s not easy to do when you keep giving me that horrible new brand of cat food for dinner, Daddi. Eels in jelly indeed! How many times have I told you I hate the foul stuff? Don’t you ever listen? Sometimes, you drive me crazy!!!”
“Relax, Rinpoche… Easy now… Just take a deep breath and chill out…”
Socktobrrr (October)
“With the weather becoming colder, Socktobrrrr is a good month to snuggle under blankets or sit in front of a fire. And nothing is more comforting than a nice warm bowl of milk.”
Nomember (November)
“By this time of the year, cat owners are often impatient with their poor little cats and chastise them unreasonably, using the words ‘No member’. Like this morning, Daddi, when you yelled, ‘No member of this household is allowed to hunt birds and bring them into the house!’”
“That chastisement was justified, Rinpoche – not unreasonable.”
Deceasedember (December)
“Now for the last month of the year, Deceasedember. As we gaze into the dying embers of the fire, Deceasedember is a good month for cats to quietly reflect on all the poor kitties we’ve lost during the past year and to pay tribute to these loved ones. Who can forget that beloved celebrity, Grumpy Cat, who died recently? And so many other lovable, fluffy felines whose spirits once burnt so brightly?”
“You are quite right, Rinpoche. We will think of them all with great fondness. But to move on to more cheerful subjects, it’s almost time for dinner, and I’m grilling some prawns. Are you interested?”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Daddi!”
“Rinpoche, I’ve noticed that your days of the week all seem to revolve around food and relaxation.”
“Well, of course, Daddi! Is there anything else in life worth worrying about?”
“That’s a really good point, Rinpoche.”
