Busy with Face Books

Rinpoche and Social Media: Part 1

“Rinpoche, you’ve been facing the bookcase, staring at my books for five hours now. What’s going on?”

“I’m busy with Face Books, Daddi.”

“Face Books? What do you mean?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Daddi. You’re far too old for social media.”

“Try me.”

“Well, I have two thousand and fifty Face Books friends, and we share our important news and opinions.”

“How?”

“Do you remember how I explained to you that all cats have the Seventh Sense and can read each other’s thoughts?”

“Rinpoche, I’ve told you before that this paranormal stuff is a lot of nonsense. Especially those silly Zombie Cats you believe in.”

“Zombie Cats are real, Daddi. Some of my Face Books friends have seen them.”

“We’ll talk about this later, Rinpoche. Right now, I want to know how you use Face Books.”

“It’s easy. I log in by facing the books. Then I concentrate hard until a thought or image pops into my head. Using their Seventh Sense, my friends are able to see my news and I can see theirs.”

“What type of news do you post?”

“Usually pictures of my food. I’ve already had three hundred ‘likes’ for my picture of that fish dinner you made me last night.”

“Surely there are more important things to post than pictures of your food?”

“What could be more important than food, Daddi? But I do share other news with my friends. Everyone loved that selfie of me chasing my tail, and I’ve also started a petition on Face Books to ban all vets from Gloucestershire.”

“Ban all vets?? Why?? They help you when you’re sick.”

“No, Daddi. Those murderers are trying to kill us with their evil vaccinations. It’s a conspiracy! Some cats on Face Books say that the vets work for the C.I.A.”

“That’s fake news, Rinpoche.”

“It can’t be, Daddi. I saw it on Face Books.”

“And I thought cats were supposed to be smarter than humans!”

“Oh we are, Daddi. Much. Now if you could just sign my petition…”

Trouble with Trolls: Part 2

“My goodness, Rinpoche! Are you ill? You are pulling the most awful faces!”

“No, Daddi, I’m practising different emoji. Look! Here is my smiley face, and this is my sad one. Which do you prefer?”

“I can’t see any difference. They both make you look as though you are suffering unbearable pain. Aren’t you bored with social media yet?”

“Of course not, Daddi. I’m always learning something new. I have a new location map in my head now, so I can let my friends know exactly where I am at any time of the day.”

“But you never go anywhere, Rinpoche.”

“Sometimes I walk to the end of the garden, Daddi.”

“I can’t see why this would be interesting to your friends. And surely it’s an invasion of your privacy to let everyone know your exact whereabouts?”

“Not at all. I like to keep in touch with all my friends whenever I can… I don’t want to be rude, Daddi, but could we continue this chat later? I’m busy with Face Books at the moment.”

***

“Daddi, the most dreadful thing has happened!”

“Why, what’s wrong, Rinpoche? You seem very upset.”

“Someone posted a really embarrassing picture of me using my litter box, Daddi! My Face Books friends are all jeering at me! I have no dignity left!”

“Well, it sounds as though they were never true friends in the first place, Rinpoche. Perhaps you should take a break from social media? It’s never a good idea to share too much personal information with so many strangers.”

“You’re right, Daddi. I’ll never use Face Books again.”

***

“Rinpoche, why are you stalking the birds? I’ve warned you before not to catch birds!”

“I’m not stalking them, Daddi. I’m following them.” 

“That’s the same thing, Rinpoche.”

“No, it isn’t, Daddi. I’m using ‘Twittering’ to follow the birds. It’s a bit like Face Books, but you have to learn how to tweet. I’m watching the birds because they are good at tweeting.”

“No good is going to come from this dumbed-down modern communication, Rinpoche. Why don’t I show you how to use a pen and paper instead?”

The End

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