Collision with the Reds

Rinpoche Becomes an Undercover Agent: Part 1

“Rinpoche, why are you skulking underneath the furniture?”

“I’m an undercover CIA agent, Daddi.”

“An agent for the Central Intelligence Agency?”

“No, Daddi, for the Cat Intelligence Agency. And please keep your voice down, or you’ll blow my cover, and the Reds will find my hiding place!”

“Who are the Reds?”

“Foreign red cats, Daddi. They are also known as Gingers, and they are everywhere. They’ve probably hacked into your house by now.”

“I very much doubt it, Rinpoche. I haven’t seen any red cats around here.”

“Don’t be so sure, Daddi! Do you remember how they interfered with last year’s election for the president of our Gloucestershire Cat Council?”

“The time that the cat, Trumpet, became president?”

“Yes, Daddi. And now, Special Counsel Cat Meowler has been appointed to lead an investigation into possible collision between Trumpet’s campaign team and the Reds.”

“I think you mean collusion, Rinpoche – not collision. Are you assisting this Meowler investigation?”

“No, Daddi. I’m an independent undercover agent, doing my own private spying.”

“I would have thought that your hiding place is a little far from the main action.”

“I’m doing valuable work under this chair, Daddi. I’m making sure that you and Mummi aren’t colliding with Reds.”

“I’m certainly not colluding with red cats, Rinpoche. I would never betray Gloucestershire!”

“Hush, Daddi! If you don’t lower your voice, the Reds will know where I am!”

“Rinpoche, if you really want to keep your whereabouts a secret, I would suggest that in future you wipe your feet before entering the house. You’ve left a trail of muddy footprints leading from the door to your hiding place.”

Part 2

“How is Special Counsel Meowler’s investigation going, Rinpoche? Has he found any evidence that Trumpet’s campaign team colluded with the red cats in interfering in your council election?”

“He’s getting closer, Daddi. A cat named Man-the-fort, who used to hang around with Trumpet, was found guilty of being A Very Bad Kitty.”

“What will happen to Trumpet if Meowler proves he was involved with the Reds?”

“Well, normally he would be impeared, Daddi…”

“Do you mean impeached, Rinpoche?”

“One fruit is the same as another, Daddi. The important thing is that Trumpet can’t be impeared, because he is no longer the president. So, I suppose he’ll be sent to the Rough Up Room to be ‘rehabilitated’ by the City Hall security cats.”

“And how are your own investigations going?”

“I’ve made some very important discoveries while carrying out my undercover operations, Daddi. Have a look at this pile of incriminating evidence I’ve found under the sofa.”

“Hmm … a comb, an emery board, some coins, several salt and vinegar crisps, and my new prescription reading glasses. Rinpoche, you found these things on the sofa and took them to your hiding place, didn’t you?”

“Well, er…”

“Tell the truth, Rinpoche!”

“Finders keepers, Daddi. Besides I had to keep the incriminating evidence in a safe place.”

“Rinpoche, this undercover nonsense must stop! You’ve been hiding under the furniture all day. I had to move your litter box next to the sofa, and you haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast.”

“A good undercover agent must make sacrifices, Daddi.”

“Well, that’s a pity … I’m cooking prawns for dinner.”

“I’ll be right there, Daddi! There’s a limit to how much deprivation even a top-notch undercover agent can endure!”

The End

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