Dumb and Disgusting Droolers

A beagle dog with a fast asleep cat

“Daddi, why are dogs such pointless creatures?”

“What you mean, Rinpoche?”

A dog drooling. an original illustration by Julie Hope. “All they do is drool, Daddi. They are dumb and disgusting creatures.”

“I think that’s a bit harsh, Rinpoche.”

“But it’s true, Daddi. Just think about their poor personal hygiene. Have you ever seen a dog wash itself or clean up its mess after going to the toilet?” 

“I know they’re not as fastidious as cats, but many people really like dogs, Rinpoche. They can be loyal and loving companions.”

“You would say that, Daddi. Dogs always suck up to humans and do everything they want. We cats are far cleverer; we only do what we want.”

“So I’ve noticed.”

“Can you think of one useful thing that dogs do, Daddi?”

“There are many dogs that do valuable work, Rinpoche. For example, sheepdogs herd sheep on farms.”

“Why bother, Daddi? Sheep are even more pointless and stupid than dogs. If they want to wander off and get themselves lost, I would let them do it. Apart from following foolish sheep, what else do dogs do?”

“Well, police dogs find missing people or track down criminals, and guide dogs help the blind to find their way around. Then there are dogs that rescue people from dangerous situations and sniffer dogs that find hidden drugs…”

“Cats could do all that stuff just as well, Daddi.”

“Then why don’t they?”

“We couldn’t be bothered. We have more important things to do.”

“Perhaps dogs are not as lazy and selfish as cats?”

“I know what this is about, Daddi. You want to replace your poor little cat with a big, slobbering dog, don’t you?”

“Rinpoche, I would never…”

“Don’t make excuses, Daddi. I know when I’m not wanted, and I have too much pride and dignity to hang around until you throw me out. I’m leaving home now! Nothing will stop me … nothing!” 

“That’s a shame, Rinpoche. You’re going to miss one of your favourite dinners.”

“What are you cooking, Daddi? Is it fish stew? Is it grilled prawns?”

“No, Rinpoche. I’m going to barbeque a succulent chicken.”

“All right, Daddi, I’ll stay … providing you don’t invite any nasty dogs to dinner. Now when are we eating? I’m starving!”

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