Keeping Gloucestershire Safe and Sacred

Voting for Trumpet: Part 4.

“Daddi, today is the election for the next president of the Khat Khouncile.”

“I hope you’ve learnt your lesson and will vote sensibly this time?”

“Oh yes, Daddi. I’m a much wiser cat after Trumpet’s presidency.”

“Who are the candidates?”

“Libby is standing for the Democats and Smarm for the Plutocats. I’m definitely not voting for Libby. She’s a female!”

“So are you, Rinpoche. What’s wrong with a female president?”

Everything, Daddi! Besides, Smarm says all females belong in the kitchen.”

“What a misogynist!”

“I rather like the idea of staying in the kitchen, Daddi. It’s warm and has delicious smells. Sometimes, there are scraps of food on the floor too…”

“Tell me more about this Smarmy.”

Smarm, Daddi. He’s a well-groomed cat with very expressive whiskers. And he used to be an actor. You might have seen him in ‘Cat on a Hot Tin Roof’.”

“No. What about his policies?”

“They are wonderful, Daddi! Smarm is going to Keep Gloucester Safe and Sacred.”


“With his new Holy Tithing Tax. All cats will pay Smarm the very reasonable tax of two mice per week, and, in return, he’ll ensure we are protected from sin and subversion. Gloucestershire has become very sinful, Daddi. Smarm says it’s a Nest of Mice!”

“You mean a nest of vice?”

“That’s it, Daddi! Smarm will sweep the catwalk clean and close down all the cathouses. He’ll introduce something called an ‘Evening Cur Few’ in order to make Gloucestershire less sinful. I think it’s an excellent idea to have fewer curs in Gloucestershire. I hate dogs!”

“Oh, foolish Rinpoche!”

“You’re not being very supportive, Daddi! Smarm is also going to find the missing values…”

“What values?”

“The family ones, Daddi. He says we’ve all lost them. I don’t remember mislaying any values, but I do keep losing things, so he’s probably right. That reminds me, have you seen my new woollen ball anywhere?”

“Ask Smarm to look for it.”

“I will, Daddi. He really cares about all of us cats. I can’t wait to vote!”

“Yeah. Democracy is a great system!”

Read all the episodes of this story here 

Catspeak School: Lesson 3 – Descriptive Words coming soon!

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