Rinpoche Calls a Spayed a Spayed

Rinpoche gives advice to a kitten on being spayed.

I’m a sensible cat who likes to call a spayed a spayed. So I was more than happy to give guidance on spaying to young Mittens, the kitten next door:

“What’s up, Mittens? Why are you in such a state?”

“Auntie Rinpoche, my brother, Buffoon, says that my humans are taking me to the vet lady with the knife tomorrow and she’s going to do an operation to stop me from having kittens!”

“You don’t need to be scared of this co-operation, Mittens. The vet lady is your friend, and she is doing you a favour.”

“But, Auntie Rinpoche…”

“Mittens, let me tell you about my mother. She was a street cat and had many unwanted litters…”

“I thought you told me that you were a princess and lived in a fancy palace, Auntie Rinpoche? Wasn’t your mother a queen?”

“Er … that was in another of my nine lives, Mittens. In my previous life, my homeless mother survived on the streets by searching in bins for scraps of food or hanging around outside seafood restaurants. Tomcats prowled these places, ready to take advantage of my mother’s vulnerability. Tragically, she was soon worn out and ill from having too many kittens. But before she took her last breath in this world, she had some good advice for me…”

“What was that, Auntie Rinpoche?”

“She said I should avoid having kittens and join the #MeAlso movement instead.”

“What’s the #MeAlso movement, Auntie Rinpoche?”

“It’s a group of female cats trying to put an end to sexual embarrassment.”

“What’s sexual embarrassment?”

“Sexual embarrassment is when pesky tomcats make amorous advances without your consent.”

“I’ve heard about something like that, Auntie Rinpoche, but isn’t it called sexual harassment?”

“It comes down to the same thing, Mittens. Every female cat should be in control of her own life and choices. That’s why the vet lady must do this co-operation on you tomorrow. You’ll be far healthier. Besides, do you really want to share your food and your humans’ attention with a bunch of mewling kittens?”

“Of course not, Auntie Rinpoche. It’s bad enough sharing my home with Buffoon. But won’t the operation be painful?”

“No, Mittens, you’ll have a lovely nap while it’s taking place. After that, there might be a little discomfort, but this won’t last long. Besides, your humans will fuss over you and feed you on delicacies like boiled chicken and fish.”

“I can’t wait for the operation, Auntie Rinpoche, and I’m going to join #MeAlso immediately!”

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