Rinpoche Stockpiles Toilet Rolls


The Colonial Virus for Cats: Part 1

“Rinpoche, did you steal the toilet rolls from both our loos? I can’t find them anywhere.”

“They’re in my bed, Daddi, but you can’t have them. I’m stockpiling toilet paper.”

“What on earth for? Cats don’t use toilet paper. Besides, I need it urgently!” Twelve Days of Catmas -Day 7

“Daddi, I spoke to my friend, Gwyneth, and she told me that a horrible colonial virus is infecting the cats in Gloucestershire! She says I should avoid crowds of cats and place myself in Quarrel Teen at home.” 

“I still don’t understand why you need to collect toilet paper in order to self-quarantine.”

“It’s better to be safe than sorry, Daddi. Besides, it’ll be fun playing with it while I’m isolating myself. I’m going to get really bored when I’m stuck at home with only you for company!”

“Thanks! Has your friend, Gwyneth, given you any other dubious advice?”

“Daddi, she says I must keep washing my hands with soap and water, but I hate water, and soapy paws taste awful!”

“Why can’t you keep washing yourself in your usual efficient way without soap and water? You’ve always been a very fastidious, clean cat, and you won’t be exposed to any source of contagion at home.”

“I can’t do my usual type of wash, Daddi. Gwyneth says I must avoid touching my face.”

“I’m sure your friend, Gwyneth, is confused. It’s humans who are at risk of contracting the coronavirus – not cats. The advice about self-isolation, handwashing, and face touching applies only to people.”

“You’re wrong Daddi! Gwyneth knows everything, and she says cats are dropping like flies from this virus. She heard this from a reliable source.”


“Her friend, Tabloid, the town crier. He says it all started in Worcestershire. Apparently, they picked up the virus from eating some bad rats. You know what savages Worcestershire cats are! Nothing good ever comes from Worcestershire!”

“What about Worcestershire sauce?”

Gloucestershire sauce is much better, Daddi!”


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