Cat Logic and Catspeak:
In order to communicate with cats and understand their convoluted thinking, you require a rudimentary knowledge of Cat Logic and Catspeak.
Catspeak is the language used in the feline world and sometimes shared with trusted, privileged humans (known to cats as ayoomfarolês). I will soon be posting free lessons in this unique language.
To understand the logic of cats, you need to realize that they do not arrive at a conclusion by following a sequence of logical steps. Instead, they suddenly pounce on an idea as though it were a mouse, teasing their thoughts and tossing them about. Often, they are left with mangled misconceptions, which you cannot eradicate from their stubborn minds. Cats are also prone to be alarmist, and they quickly move from a state of mild anxiety to extreme panic. The biggest drama ‘queen’ of them all is my cat, Rinpoche. In the following conversations with her, she segues bizarrely from ears to buses, illustrating the twists and turns of cat reasoning:
“Daddi, can I talk to you about my ear?”
“Daddi, the black paint is coming off it. Can you touch it up with black paint, Daddi?”
“No, it’s just your natural colouring.”
“Daddi, if you ignore this problem, it could get worse. If all my black paint came off, I’d look very foolish and it would be the End of the World.”
“You’re such a drama queen, Rinpoche”
“Daddi, I’m very clever. I know how to drive a bus.”
“How can you drive a bus when your paws won’t reach the pedals? Besides, you don’t have a licence.”
“I know that, Daddi. Also, Daddi, I’d be embarrassed to drive a bus. People would see that the black paint is coming off my ear. But I know how to drive a bus.”
“Why would you want to drive a bus, Rinpoche?”
“I don’t want to drive a bus. I just know how to drive a bus.”