Double, Double, Toilet Trouble:
“Rinpoche, why are you making this pathetic mewling?”
“It’s the End of the World, Daddi…”
“Why?”
“It’s wet outside and I want to make wizz.”
“You have an nice dry toilet outside. Don’t be a baby.”
“My toilet has been stolen, Daddi. I think it was the Survey Monkey.”
“The wind blew the top off. I’ll fix it for you.”
“What if the Survey Monkey comes back and steals it again?”
***
“Rinpoche, why are you making this woeful keening sound?”
“It’s the End of the World, Daddi…”
“Why?” 
“My toilet looks shabby after the Survey Monkey demolished it. It’s not the same and I can’t use it.”
“Daddi patched it up as good as new with duct tape. There’s really nothing wrong with it.”
“No, Daddi. It’s been devalued. You must buy me a new one.”
***
“Rinpoche, this is your new toilet. It’s called a Poo Poo Pee Doo.”
“It’s horrible, Daddi. It has no steps and no reception room. And it looks like a big black egg.”
“It’s lovely. Mummi bought it especially for you after you said your last toilet was uh…sabotaged…by the Internet Baboon or whoever. The Poo Poo Pee Doo came all the way from France, and it’s really nice. Please keep an open mind.”
“Daddi, it was bad enough having an open toilet when the Survey Monkey stole the roof. Why would you want me to have an open mind as well?”
***
“It’s the End of the World, Daddi”
“Why is it the end of the world?”
“My toilet was hijacked by that horrid cat called Gollij. He made big wizz on the side of it. Then I made big wiz over his big wiz because it’s my toilet.” 
“So why can’t you use it?”
“It stinks, Daddi.”
“Never mind, my girl. Daddi will wash away the wizz with the hosepipe – the magic water slinki.”
***
“Rinpoche, what on Earth is the matter now?”
“It’s the End of the World, Daddi.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s wet outside and I want to make wizz.”
“You have a nice dry Poo Poo Pee Doo toilet.”
“My toilet is flooded, Daddy. The water came into the hole.”
“Ah heck! So it is.”
“I want my old toilet back. It was a quality toilet.”
***
“Rinpoche, what are you doing in the bathroom?”
“I want to use your toilet Daddy. It’s safe and clean.”
“What if you slip and fall in?”
“Daddi, I have a plan…”
***
“Daddi, you know my little door within a door that I use to go in and out the house…?”
“Yes…?”
“Daddi, you can use the same knowledge to make me a little seat within a seat for the toilet.”
“How will you lift up the seat of the seat within a seat?”
“Leave it always up, Daddi.”
“Mummi won’t like that, Rinpoche.”
***
“Daddi, I will be able to lift the toilet seat within a seat with my paw.”
“Won’t that be too difficult for you?”
“No Daddi, I am as clever as Nikola Tesla.”
“The Nikola Tesla of the early electrical age? The famous inventor and electrical engineer?”
“That’s the one, Daddi. My tutor, Dr Tröger, told me about his alternating current induction motor.”
“Aren’t you overrating your cleverness, slightly, Rinpoche?”
“Daddi, mark my words, I will one day be known in the cat world as The Tesla of Toilets.”
