Tabloid and the Gutter Press

Tabloid has been spreading fake news

“Surely you aren’t risking going out again, Rinpoche? Didn’t you tell me that the Colonial Virus for Cats is widespread?”

“That’s all fake news, Daddi. I’ll never trust Tabloid, again!”

“Tabloid, the town crier? Isn’t he the rooftop reporter?”

“More like the gutter press, Daddi! He’s only interested in sensational stories, and he never checks the information he receives.”

“But I thought you’d heard that cats were ‘dropping like flies’ from this Colonial virus?”

“It was all lies, Daddi! Tabloid heard this fake news from the Puppyrazzi newshounds he hangs out with. Those yapping chihuahuas make up stories when they can’t dig up any genuine dirt.”

“Does this mean there aren’t any cats that are ill?”

“Some cats are genuinely sick, Daddi, but not from the Colonial virus. One cat named Jay was knocked over when he walked across a busy road. Fortunately, he’s recovering nicely. Then a bunch of other cats became ill recently from eating rotten prawns from a bin.”

“I’ve always warned you not to eat food from rubbish bins, Rinpoche. But what about all the cats in Worcestershire that were supposed to be infected with the virus as well?”

“That was also fake news, Daddi. There were never any infected cats in Worcestershire.”

“Well, Rinpoche, now that cats are no longer at risk of infection, you obviously don’t need to keep stockpiling toilet rolls, so perhaps you can return the ones you stole from me?”

“No, Daddi, that’s out of the question.”

 “Please, Rinpoche! Mummi and I can’t get hold of toilet paper anywhere. And we humans are contending with a genuine virus – not a fake one!”

“I’m sorry, Daddi. I won’t give you my toilet rolls.”

“Come on, Rinpoche, don’t be selfish! We’ll accept any rolls you can spare; even that chewed one over there will do.”

“You can’t have it, Daddi. Every roll I have is ‘my precious’.” 

 

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