Tipping the Scales: Rinpoche Gets Fat

The Weighty Woes of Rinpoche: 

Weighty woes of Rinpoche

“Rinpoche, you are getting disgracefully fat. You weigh over five kilos and you waddle when you run down the stairs.”

“That’s because the stairs are bumpity, Daddi.”

“The whitecoati lady says we must put you on a diet.” Rinpoche gets fat

“Daddi, the whitecoati lady knows very little about cats. Remember what happened when she said you should clean Butch’s teeth…”

“No. You must diet. Only one Cat Stick and six Dreamies treats a day.”

“From both Daddi and Mummi?”

***

“Rinpoche, why are you mewling like that?”

“I’m so hungry Daddi. I’ve had no food in fourteen days.”

“Nonsense. You emptied your bowl this morning.”

“That wasn’t me, Daddi. My food was stolen by goblins.”

***

“Daddi, I’m a little cat who’s faint with hunger.”

“There’s food in your bowl.”

“I’m too weak to go to my bowl. You must give me a Cat Stick.”

***

“Daddi, what’s this horrible thing Mummi put by my food bowl?”

“It’s called a cat activity feeder. ACTIVITY FEEDERWe put treats in it and you have to work to winkle them out. It’s good exercise.”

“That’s cruel, Daddi. You must take proper care of me and not torture me.”

“You must practice. It exercises your brain and will make you a clever cat.”

“Clever like Sixpence was?”

“Yes, very clever.”

***

“Rinpoche, your activity feeder is empty. Did the goblins steal your treats?”

“No, Daddi, I fished the treats out with my paw.”

“You are a very clever cat.”

SPHERICAL CAT

“Daddi, does Albert Einstein have an activity feeder?”

“No.”

“Then I am far cleverer than Albert Einstein.”

***

“Daddi, would you like to see how clever I am?”

“Yes.”

“If you put more treats in my activity feeder, I’ll show you.”

***

“ Daddi, does Dr Klaus Tröger have an activity feeder?”

“I don’t know.  Dr Tröger is very eccentric; he might well have one.”

“Daddi, I’m bored with my activity feeder.”

“Why?”

“Daddi, I’m much too clever for it now.”

“I’ll get you a more challenging one.”

“I’m too clever for all of these things, Daddi. Just put the treats in my bowl.”

***

“Daddi, does Bill Gates have an activity feeder?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t use it much.”

“Why not, Daddi?”

“It keeps crashing.”

***

“Daddi, who is the Chief Cat of Apple?”

“Tim Cook.”

“Does Tim Cook have an activity feeder?”

“Yes, but it only works with an i-Cat.”

“Daddi, am I an i-Cat?”

“No, you are a u-Cat.”

“A Mew Cat? Daddi, how can I be an i-Cat?”

“To be an i-Cat you have to live in an i-House, eat i-Food, and use an i-Toilet.”

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“Daddi, I’ve forgotten my i-Cat password.”

“I’ll sort it out later.”

“But Daddi, I want to use my i-Toilet. It won’t let me inside without my password.”

“Rinpoche, you must try to remember your password. I can’t be resetting it for you every couple of hours.”

“Daddi, I’m very clever. My head is full of facts from Dr Tröger’s school. There’s no room left for passwords. If I make room for my passwords, I’ll have to forget something else.”

“You’d better do that then.”

***

“Rinpoche, why did you make wizz on the door mat?”

“Daddi, you said I should forget something so I could remember my password. So I forgot where my i-Toilet was.”

“Could you not rather have forgotten how to do Circular Convolution?”

“No, Daddi. Dr Tröger would be very cross.”

***

“See, Rinpoche, I’ve fitted your i-Toilet with an i-Feline lock. Now as you walk up to it, it will open automatically.”

“Thank you, Daddi.”

***

“Rinpoche, why is your tail so fat? You look like you’ve been in a fight.”

“Yes, Daddi. I found that evil grey cat, Grondus, was in my toilet.”

“How did he get in there when you have an i-Feline lock on your toilet?”

“Don’t know, Daddi. I was inside it. The door just opened and he came inside.”

***

“Sorry about your toilet, Rinpoche. I found the problem. The default on the i-Feline lock was set to ‘share with all i-Cats.’”

“That’s useless Daddi. Did you fix it?”

“No, I seem to have forgotten my administrator password.”

***

“Rinpoche, I have removed all your iCat paraphernalia.”

“Why Daddi?”

“I don’t want you trapped in an Apple Closed Universe.”

What lessons did Rinpoche have to learn before she could become Chief Cat of the house?

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